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Few substance abuse programs in the U.S. offer high-quality treatment designed specifically for adolescents, a new study finds.

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What is Recovery?

An essay on the subject of “What is Recovery” raises, for me, the question of what is Addiction. Since everyone of us has an idea, our own idea, of what Addiction is, we'll also have our own answer to “What is Recovery?”

Since we don’t have agreement in our field on what Addiction is, I doubt that we can come up with an easy agreement on what recovery is. I could just tell you my definition of both but my goal is not for us to have a debate over which we can come to a resolution. My goal is that we all look at ourselves and how we got to this question. It may be, that after examining ourselves, we may choose to change the question we ask.

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Relationships from Addiction to Authenticity PDF Print E-mail
Written by ...   
Tuesday, 22 July 2008 08:09
In their book, Relationships from Addiction to Authenticity, authors Claudine Pletcher and Sally Bartomeolli, PhD — both recovering co-sex addicts — bring readers inside the tumultuous cycle of co-sex addiction. 

First and foremost, this is a book for women who are co-sex addicts (COSAs) by two recovering COSAs. The authors do a commendable job of taking what they have learned in their own recovery journeys, to encourage other women to seek help and heal from their addictions. In the book, the authors encourage COSAs to work a 12-Step program with their sponsors. The foreword is written by renowned personal growth expert John Bradshaw, author of five New York Times bestsellers: Healing the Shame that Binds You, Bradshaw On: The Family, Homecoming, Creating Love and Family Secrets.

According to the authors, the sex addict is “addicted to sex for a fix,” whereas the co-sex addict (COSA) is “addicted to the sex addict and the relationship.” A chart in the first chapter, illustrates the behavior of sex addicts and the corresponding behavior of COSAs. This provides a rather startling picture of the co-dependent relationship that exists between a sex addict and his or her partner. This is not unlike the dynamic that many counselors see in relationships where one partner is addicted to drugs or alcohol, and the other partner hides or enables the addiction because of the shame that addiction carries.

The authors explain how co-sex addiction can wreak havoc on a person’s emotional, physical, financial, sexual and spiritual well-being. According to Pletcher and Bartomeolli, COSAs often have trouble coming to grips with their own disease because so much time and attention is given to the sex addict and his disease. It is much easier for a COSA to deny her own behavior, when she is so focused on covering up the sex addict’s behavior. Also, a COSA often carries the burden of feeling responsible for the sex addict’s behavior, believing that he is acting out as a result of something she is doing, or not doing.

In addition to the poignant personal narratives of COSAs that are spread throughout the book, the authors have incorporated a lot of useful background and core information on sex addiction and co-sex addiction.

Some information that counselors or COSAs themselves might find useful includes: a breakdown of what characterizes healthy functional family systems vs. dysfunctional systems on a physical, intellectual, spiritual and sexual level; characteristics of authentic relationships and recovery; body image and dysfunctional eating; religious addiction vs. healthy spirituality; and developing empowerment through connections with other women.

There is an entire chapter dedicated to the core of co-sex addiction, which according to the authors, is rooted in the family of origin dynamics. Often, children who were victimized continue as adults to let themselves “be set up as victims,” or take on the role of the offender, victimizing others.

The book also has an appendix, a COSA Resource Guide, which includes: tools and techniques for recovery; and suggested formats for doing 12-step work in COSA. Also, there is a glossary of terms and a list of recommended reading.
What makes Relationships from Addiction to Authenticity, unique and very compelling is the collection of stories from women who have shared their own painful experiences as COSA victims. While the personal accounts in this book focus on the dynamics that occur between sex addicts and co-sex addicts in male-female relationships, this dynamic is not exclusive to heterosexuals, but also may occur in gay and lesbian partnerships.
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